Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
