He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
