That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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