I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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