just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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