just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
