so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
