I think I died a long time ago.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
