I must be too annoying 4 u.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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