Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
