Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
