You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think my fart just growled at me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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