tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
