Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
