Little spoons don't ask big questions
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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