shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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