: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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