i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
