he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize