did you get engaged???
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
