someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just had sex bonerless
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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