His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
