Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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