I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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