Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
