he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize