No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
