i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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