YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
