wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize