she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
