i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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