shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
