i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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