shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
