Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
