He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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