the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am spending my child support on dildos
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
