this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
