She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
