Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
