Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
