Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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