Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
