I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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