Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there was a trapeze. enough said
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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