Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Randomize
