I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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