I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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