Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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