My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
