I heard we made out
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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