Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
