Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
