tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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