remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
