I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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