6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
