when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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