You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
