my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We need to rekindle our bromance
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
