I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
