"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
