I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
