They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
