I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
