I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
