do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
