I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
