That's when you crack a 10am beer
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
