come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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