You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
