I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Are we in a gay sports bar?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
