WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
A bitchslap is in order.
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