Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
this beer tastes like vomit already
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
